so I accidentally did the right things for the wrong reasons. He died considering of what he saw. That, I could work with. What it does for me is add texture, color and depth to my sober living experience. That kind of sounded like a workable spiritual plan for me in addiction recovery.

Spirituality did not get me sober. that is going to be a pain.

So I concentrated on maintaining abstinence without addressing spirituality, my sponsor said 'Don't distress about spirituality yet, that's the advanced stuff. Connection with yourself, with your family and the society and world around you. I asked myself 'Is that all there is?'. I went to treatment, and after that I followed a continuing care plan, all the while going to meetings and building a sober support network.

About 7 or 8 years sober a question started creeping into my head. Despite being abstinent I was not happy. It keeps me sober. But how do I turn it around?

I addressed the question of 'spirituality'. I started to feel that I was actually happier using than not. It is not really all about me anymore, but rather how I fit in and connect with those around me. I heard of spirituality as being described of as connection. Just concentrate on staying abstinent for now". I was looking outside myself and finding fault with all that was around me.

I was not comfortable with the traditional God image, so I had to get creative.

by Bill Urell

When I was told I would need to address

spirituality in addiction recovery "Are you nuts?" was a pretty watered down version of what I thought and said.

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To me, it was the asking that was vital, not really the answers.

The breakthrough came for me when I realized I might not ever find the answers, and that was OK. I had come far decent along to realize that what I had was not as fundamental as who I was inside. My spiritual journey began at year 7 in recovery and it started with simply asking questions. He beat him by forcing the monster's eye around so he was looking at himself. Oh, says I, that makes sense. I certain did not want to turn my eyes inwars and look at myself. I think it was Jason of the Argonauts, or perhaps Ulysses who fought the Cyclops the one eyed giant monster. Spirituality, while not the originator of my sobriety, certain makes it a richer experience and is crucial now to my addiction recovery's longevity.
I didn't even believe in God and now you're telling me I have to get spiritual? Luckily I was a good student and new that that was the beginning of the relapse process. I could restructure my life to be of service to others, do the next right thing, and be conscious of, and take responsibility for my own actions.

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